Forgiveness is Divine

[Satan’s] strategy is to stir up anger between family members. Satan is the “father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another” (3 Ne. 11:29; emphasis added). The verb stir sounds like a recipe for disaster: Put tempers on medium heat, stir in a few choice words, and bring to a boil; continue stirring until thick; cool off; let feelings chill for several days; serve cold; lots of leftovers.

My second husband had been divorced and he and his first wife had one child together.  I was fairly naïve to divorce, and thought that she and I would take a few casual trips to the park and let the children play while we got to know one another.  I quickly realized how inaccurate my assumptions had been.  The first time I met her, she thrust her son (who was almost 8) behind her as if she was protecting him from a firing squad.  I was shocked at her response.  Not too long after my marriage, she started throwing around slanderous accusations about my children and out came the momma bear.  I was livid.  How dare she?  She didn’t even know me or my children!  Why was she trying to ruin my life?

I stewed over this for months.  I didn’t sleep at night.  I had nightmares night after night until finally, I realized that my feelings toward this woman and this situation were keeping me from my Savior.  I was allowing anger to dominate my life. 

It is interesting that, in Alma, when Zarahemna is trying to control the Lamanites, he stirs them to anger against the Nephites.  Anger demonstrates a lack of control.  Have you ever said, “I lost my temper” or “’they made me mad!”  Elder Lynn G. Robbins reminds us that, “This is a myth that must be debunked. No one makes us mad. Others don’t make us angry. There is no force involved. Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry. We choose!”

To argue this point further, one might ask why we can maintain our composure in front of our peers when we are attacked, but if we’re attacked at home, we lose our cool.  We do have the ability to choose.

Elder Robbins goes further, “To those who say, “But I can’t help myself,” author William Wilbanks responds: ‘Nonsense.’ ‘Aggression, … suppressing the anger, talking about it, screaming and yelling,’ are all learned strategies in dealing with anger.”

I had an epiphany one day.  I realized that if I died and went to be judged, my anger, my malice would be keeping me from my Savior, not the one who offended me.  So, I prayed for the ability to forgive, and eventually it came along with the peace that I’d been seeking.