Humility vs. Pride

Often it takes great humility to make a marriage work; to make a family work.  When we are more focused upon being right than upon doing what is right, we are caught in the trap of pride.  It can happen to the best of us.

A few years back, I found myself in a marriage that I didn’t feel I was deserving of.  The words of Jonathan Haidt rang true, “Each of us thinks we see the world directly, as it really is.  If [others] don’t agree, it follows either that they have not yet been exposed to the relevant facts or else that they are blinded by their interests and ideologies . . . Everyone is influenced by ideology and self-interest.  Except for me.  I see things as they are.”

True.  I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Or could I?

In my marriage, I felt that I saw things as they really were, and my spouse had a distorted view of almost everything.  I saw my experiences through the lense of my own hurt and disappointment. 

I called my best friend up to tell her that I wanted out of my marriage.  I felt I had built up a case with sufficient evidence to justify a divorce.  (As if that’s the way it really works).  After all, I’d been building the case for almost 9 months.  That is when she gave me her advice. “Work on you.  Work on yourself for the next year.”

Once I got over the initial shock of her statement, I had to admit my gratitude for this friend.  I went to her because I knew she would tell me exactly what I needed to hear, and she did.  It was time to swallow my pride.

I took her words to heart and went to work.  I began working on myself.  It began with the Pathway program, which increased my spirituality in many significant ways.  My scripture study became steady and consistent.  I stretched myself and made friends.  Once Pathway ended, I transitioned to BYU Idaho as a student, following the prompting to work toward a degree in Marriage and Family.  To be more socially involved, I joined a women’s chorus.  I began to live again and I was finding happiness in little ways.  My husband and I enrolled in self-improvement courses.  I started meeting with a counselor, and I worked diligently to implement all that I had learned into my life.  The Lord was changing me into a better person, and I was loving it.

“Humility,” says Dr. H. Wallace Goddard, “is the friend of truth. In order to be saved, we must stop trying to save ourselves by our own power.  We must turn ourselves over to Christ completely.”  President Ezra Taft Benson teaches that “God will have a humble people.  Either we can choose to be humble or we can compelled to be humble.” 

My husband did not like my improving.  He became resentful of the changes, and we ultimately divorced, but only after I had done all within my power to change for the better. I would have a clear conscience before the Lord.

Although life’s circumstances have driven to my knees on many occasions, my sincere hope and my sincere prayer is that I will continue to seek humility in my own life by: receiving counsel and chastisement, forgiving, serving, going on missions, going to the temple, confessing and forsaking my sins, submitting to God’s will and putting Him first in my life. I know that these actions will lead to a happier family and a more joyful and fulfilling life.